Learned.

Back in high school I had absolutely no desire to go to college.

I even made a mental "Why Stacie doesn't need to go to college" list...
1. I don't want to learn anymore... algebra did me in, I can't fit anything else in my brain, the Pythagorean Theorem is taking up A LOT of space.
2. I have to leave my mom? Nope. Not gonna. You can't make me. She's too cool.
3. I just want to be a wife. Give me a man, I'll marry him. We'll live happily ever after...with no children. (At 17 my mind had made a cemented decision after a bad round of babysitting, that I didn't want children. My mom mourned my decision and told me I would change my mind later in life. I rolled my eyes at her. And 5 years later... I want children).
4. I don't want to learn any more. I just want to frollick.

I went to college because my mom researched universities for me and forced me to fill out every college application before I could go hang out with my friends. And I've always been an obedient perfect child, so I did. Obedient and perfect... the 'rents lucked out so much.

And somehow, here I am, 5 years later, almost graduated from college, loving it so much I have a list of daunting grad school possibilities sitting in front of me. When did I get like this? Wanting to learn all the time. Grieving the times I took my education for granted. How many hours did I waste on Myspace and Facebook when I could have been reading good books and discovering what I was passionate about?

So here I sit... not sure where to start. Research. Apply. Be super radtacular in interviews.

I'm a girl with a capacity to grow and learn. Wanting to take the next step in pursuing an education because I, Stacie, want to, not because my parents want me to.

I am learned. And learning. And pretty soon, soceity will call me a "grown up"... and then I get to figure out that I really know nothing at all.....

... and for the first time, I'm excited.

Acne-Shmacknee.

Today someone told me she admired my facial complexion. For most of my life "admired" might not have been the word of choice to describe my face thanks to my acne...

ACNE (ac-ne): the mountainous atrocity that tends to bubble and burst on the most prominent and visible places on a person's face.

Sometimes a definition just isn't enough so I create new words to give more meaning to things... ACNasty, I want to smACNE my face for looking so gross, I think my ACNEeds ProAvtive.

My acne came earlier than anyone elses, which was devestating as a ten year old.  My mom let me start my makeup journey in middle school but I never "painted the house" correctly and ended up looking like a vampire or a dead person most of the time. I gave up on makeup eventually, or at least discovered how to use it in moderation.

For some reason it left about three years ago. And I hope it never comes back. Cinderella was so concerned with getting to the ball and I didn't even care about the ball, I just wanted my face to clear up by the touch of some Fairy-god-mother wand wave. It's ironic because once I really stopped caring, it stopped intruding on my face.

 I get the occasional blemish, but I don't even remember what I looked like with a spotted face. And unfortunately I don't have a picture for you of my ghostly middle school years, but maybe someday I'll dig one up and embarrass myself by posting it here for all to see.

So whether you have it still, you bypassed it completely (and for that we all hate you), or you think you have finally stepped out of the "Acne Arena", here's to acne, and every time it has "ruined" our lives. And here's to focusing on putting a smile on our faces and genuineness in our hearts, because those things bypass all things pimples in the end.

Woman of the year.

This is my mom.... isn't she beautiful?

The first photoshoot.

I loved using two of my most wonderful friends for my photoshoot for a boutique close by.... this was my first photoshoot, and with the amount of fun I had... I hope it's not my last...

Want to know the hardest part about photoshoots? You don't get to keep the clothes...

Want to know the hardest part about dreaming about having a new wardrobe? You wake up and you don't have a new wardrobe....

On that note, here are some pretty pictures.....

The Fashion Future Train.

I've purchased my ticket and am jumping aboard the Fashion Future Train. Well, I'm trying to dabble in the fashion world by doing a little bit of Marketing/Public Relations for a classy fashion boutique that's cozied up next to one of my favorite coffee shops, Classic Coffee.

I'm excited to dive into this creative PR wardrobe and hope that it can dress up my resume a little bit, while clothing me in one of life's many opportunities to learn and grow.

Here's a savvy video for those of you who love fashion, hate fashion, or need a little reminder of how glad you are you didn't live in the early 1900's, wearing floor length dresses on a daily basis.

To live.

“To live would be an awfully big adventure”. -Peter, from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan

There are some days I walk through my front door, sit down on my floral couch and stare at my old coffee table... wishing I could be at any other place in life than the place I'm in. Deep down I either long for what was or what could be... while trying to cope with what is. Some days I wish I could have my child-like innocence bestowed upon me again... to live in a care-free world, with dreams as big as the church pews on Sunday and as attainable as a piece of grass in a giant meadow.

There are days when all I want is to have years of experience on my sleeve, instead of an uncertain and somewhat daunting future staring me in the face, refusing to let me see what is beyond. It is an odd thought to know that my formal education is ending and real life is waiting around the corner... am I the only one who thought Jesus was going to come back before I had to face such a drastic uncertain part of life?

This summer I read Luci Swindoll's I Married Adventure. She's seventy something and has seen the back of her hand so often she not only remembers what it looks like, but knows when each wrinkle and crevis arrived. She said that when we are young we want nothing but to be older. And when we are older we desire nothing but to be younger. And in my early twenties, I want so much... I want my dream job, I want a non-profit that sells re-stitched vintage clothes. I want to be a successful writer. I want to roadtrip the entire West Coast. I want to read books for a whole week straight. I want to be married. I want to be laughing around a dining room table with too many friends squeezed around it, dreaming up creative ideas and new ways to take community out of the cliche box it has been put into... and on days when life is tiring and seemingly overwhelming, I'm tempted to think I want nothing but retirement.

But those "sit and stare" thoughts linger for a time and then, with an understanding wink and a kind wave, they leave. I am here. In the present. I cannot go back. And I cannot move forward as nimbly as I think I can. I cannot skip over living life. What's the fun in living out dreams if I haven't reached for them? And when I look back on the small part of life I have lived, I ask why I would ever want to fast forward or rewind... even through the difficult chapters.

I used to read the last few pages of every book before starting it.... but, after awhile, I decided knowing the end never made the book any better. I never really understood the weight of that last page anyway...at least until I had the feeling and momentum of the entire book to back it up. I think life is a lot like that. Skipping ahead isn't realistic and, even if it was, it wouldn't be grand or appreciated. To appreciate the here and now, means living fully in the moments it took to get here.

Living in the present isn't so hard when I see life as an adventure worth living. By the grace of God it is an adventure... an everlasting one. And apparently this “blink of an eye” life I'm living is only the beginning. That's what I've come to believe and stake my life on. Here's to living a great adventure.

The Haven.

One of my favorite words in the Bible is the word "Abide". I love that we are called to make our home and resting place in God alone. To take life in, by Abiding in God. We all need life and sustenance. Tonight I went to a place that would be one small piece to "abide" if it were a word that was crafted into a beautiful mosaic.

I've never been to a housewarming party, but it seems like something right up my avenue. I enjoyed going to my first this evening and hope to host one soon... maybe (because my "home" realistically is a dorm) I could call it a "Dwarming Party". ---I've had a ridiculous obsession with combining words lately... I think two words combined has a stronger meaning---- My hosts went above and beyond warming and really made us, their guests, feel as if we were at home. And if there is anything I love, "feeling at home" is one that warms my heart... it's is right up there with chocolate, cheese, crafting, writing, and people watching.

These ladies call their house The Haven, and I love that word almost as much as I love the word "Abide". A safe place. A place without tension. A place without baggage. Or, grace to meet baggage if it is there. A place of service and love. A place to be creative. A place to be free. A place to know one's self and think. A place for honesty.

It's deeply breath-taking that our God, the dearest Friend we could ever encounter, offers such a place to us every day. He is safe. He brings loving discipline. He takes away the suitcases of baggage we tend to carry around with us when we set them down at His feet...or He kindly lets us know that the suitcases of baggage we carry are someone elses. He offers grace from the second we think our first thought to when we are in bed acknowledging that our day was what it was because of His grace. He served us with death for life. his death, for our life. He loved us fiercely and still does every second of every day. He is the author of creativity. He is freedom and offers it to us. He wants us to become more of who He created us to be. He wants to know what we think. He desires for us to sit, be still, and listen. He is honest with us. And we can be honest with Him.

He is my Haven. And how I desire to abide in Him Alone.