Playing on iTunes: "I'm writing to bare my soul to the world, that the world might be able to relate to my issues" music. Because I have a confession:
I have a downfall. A worldly nemesis who occasionally makes a visit every few times a year... mainly when the seasons change or when I take a trip to the mall. His name is Fashion. He lurks in my closet, watches me put on my outfit for the day, and then, just as I ready myself to step out of the closet and tackle my daily To-Do list, He tells me to glance in the mirrror once more before I leave my closet, and, as I do, he whispers in my ear "That style won't do. The vibe you're giving off screams 'yesterday' when it should scream 'tomorrow'." I hear that and after a long linger in the mirror, I think to myself... He's right. So I change... over and over again, caught in a cycle of deception and vanity and before I know it, I'm staring at a monster-made-messy closet with "clean my closet" added to my already lingering To-Do list. And one defeated thought flashes through my mind like a billboard in Time Square: Fashion's right, nothing will do.
In my frustration with my "I-must-show-all-the-other-fashion-gurus-in-my-city-I-can-rock-the fashion-vibe-of-a-lifetime" addiction, I can't help but wonder if there is a remedy for me and those like me who sit on the floor of our closets, surrounded by piles of too many clothes. Clothes we are addicted to. And yet we are sick of vanity. Sick of "caring too much". Sick of not being able to find the "classy, but moreso indie, not too dressed up or down, no one else has thought of this" look. We sit there, sometimes in tears, other times with an empty blank stare on our faces, in awe that we just spent so long in our closet we missed the church service we were getting ready for. We even sing a Fashion-revised version of Christina Perri's "Jar of Hearts", belting her mournful lyrics, applying them, of course, to our relationship with Fashion: "I know I can't take one more step towards you, cause all thats waiting is regret...Fashion, who do you think you are, running round leaving scars? And now your back for me" I think its beyond okay to remind myself that Jesus once compared those clothing mounds with "moths and rust" ie. death and destruction.
In a year or two you might hear of a girl who suffocated in her closet, smothered by her own piles of clothes, wearing a blouse and scarf that didn't even match her shoes and pants. But that girl won't be me. I have decided it is time to start putting in ear plugs when Fashion bugs me about what I'm wearing. And when he wants me to take that final critical glance in the mirror, I'll tell him what Christina Perri told her deceitful and lousy beau, "Don't come back for me, don't come back at all".
For lent this year, clothes were my focus. I didn't subtract from life. I added to it. I added a small but but critical rule. I'll admit I've been defeated more than a few times this lent season, it has never been so difficult for me... but I am determined to not let Fashion control me. I'm determined to have my inwardness outshine my outwardness. To care about what I wear, but to care more about the inner workings of me, which, in all honesty, need much more time spent on them than my outward appearance.
So what's my rule? Start from the left to the right and each day wear the blouse that comes next. No skipping around. No changing or trying on something different cause I'm not "feeling" a certain top. I can still keep creativity by pairing whatever bottom I want with whatever top I choose, but the top must stay the same. Time saver? Yes. Room for creativity? Yes. Time to inwardly delve into how I can clothe myself with patience, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness? Yes. Freedom? Yes.
Here's to freedom. If this is something you struggle with, let me be the first to offer to buy you some ear plugs or help you chunk your full-length mirror in the nearest dumpster.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Chelsea
Someone once told me the most important word I should ever remember is someone's name. A person's name truely is a powerful word.
We are called by our names. Remembered by our names. When someone knows my name or remembers it from long ago, my innate "desire to belong" gets fulfilled. When someone mentions my name in a story, I feel a sense of significance settle within me. Someone knew my name. They thought I was important. I was worth remembering.
I love people that are worth remembering. I think a lot of people really are worth remembering. I love taking note of those individuals. People who have remembered my name and even gone farther than that... they have given me life by being a part of my life. Investing in me. Going beyond my name to my heart.
One of those life-givers, investors, and go-er beyond-ers is my friend, Chelsea.
Chelsea has held many roles in my life, and she might even giggle that I referred to her as my "friend" since she is also my boss.... but I am so thankful for this one year of working with her. We've had the chance to take some beautiful walks down the avenue together. And now, after pouring so much of her life into myself and others... she physically gets to bring life into the world.
Today I went to Chelsea's baby shower. My first baby shower ever in fact. There were at least 5-6 others there who had no idea what to expect or that it is okay to have a soda chugging contest using baby bottles. Those wonderful "others" I so gratefully love to call my co-workers, but more importantly, my family. I've never felt so comfortable and out of place at one time. Moments like those are beautiful and rare though, and, looking back, they never really seem out of place but, moreso, just right.
I loved celebrating Chelsea's life and the fact that she has something inside of her that is going to change her life forever in less than two months. She has given so much life to my family of friends and I, and yet it was beautiful to turn around and speak truth into her life.
I also love seeing Chelsea enjoy life. She has a genuine smile and uses it often (I've cried so much in her apartment because I've been laughing too hard). How I wish I could see her face when she sets her eyes on Baby for the first time. To see her enjoy life in such a new way. Thinking of her joy when she finally gets to see Baby... the little life she has been waiting to hold for so long.
And Chelsea will give Baby a name. Baby will be called by that name. Remembered by that name. And when people say Baby's name, they will bring life, significance, worth, and a sense of importance into Baby's life....
We are called by our names. Remembered by our names. When someone knows my name or remembers it from long ago, my innate "desire to belong" gets fulfilled. When someone mentions my name in a story, I feel a sense of significance settle within me. Someone knew my name. They thought I was important. I was worth remembering.
I love people that are worth remembering. I think a lot of people really are worth remembering. I love taking note of those individuals. People who have remembered my name and even gone farther than that... they have given me life by being a part of my life. Investing in me. Going beyond my name to my heart.
One of those life-givers, investors, and go-er beyond-ers is my friend, Chelsea.
Chelsea has held many roles in my life, and she might even giggle that I referred to her as my "friend" since she is also my boss.... but I am so thankful for this one year of working with her. We've had the chance to take some beautiful walks down the avenue together. And now, after pouring so much of her life into myself and others... she physically gets to bring life into the world.
Today I went to Chelsea's baby shower. My first baby shower ever in fact. There were at least 5-6 others there who had no idea what to expect or that it is okay to have a soda chugging contest using baby bottles. Those wonderful "others" I so gratefully love to call my co-workers, but more importantly, my family. I've never felt so comfortable and out of place at one time. Moments like those are beautiful and rare though, and, looking back, they never really seem out of place but, moreso, just right.
I loved celebrating Chelsea's life and the fact that she has something inside of her that is going to change her life forever in less than two months. She has given so much life to my family of friends and I, and yet it was beautiful to turn around and speak truth into her life.
I also love seeing Chelsea enjoy life. She has a genuine smile and uses it often (I've cried so much in her apartment because I've been laughing too hard). How I wish I could see her face when she sets her eyes on Baby for the first time. To see her enjoy life in such a new way. Thinking of her joy when she finally gets to see Baby... the little life she has been waiting to hold for so long.
And Chelsea will give Baby a name. Baby will be called by that name. Remembered by that name. And when people say Baby's name, they will bring life, significance, worth, and a sense of importance into Baby's life....
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