To live.

“To live would be an awfully big adventure”. -Peter, from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan

There are some days I walk through my front door, sit down on my floral couch and stare at my old coffee table... wishing I could be at any other place in life than the place I'm in. Deep down I either long for what was or what could be... while trying to cope with what is. Some days I wish I could have my child-like innocence bestowed upon me again... to live in a care-free world, with dreams as big as the church pews on Sunday and as attainable as a piece of grass in a giant meadow.

There are days when all I want is to have years of experience on my sleeve, instead of an uncertain and somewhat daunting future staring me in the face, refusing to let me see what is beyond. It is an odd thought to know that my formal education is ending and real life is waiting around the corner... am I the only one who thought Jesus was going to come back before I had to face such a drastic uncertain part of life?

This summer I read Luci Swindoll's I Married Adventure. She's seventy something and has seen the back of her hand so often she not only remembers what it looks like, but knows when each wrinkle and crevis arrived. She said that when we are young we want nothing but to be older. And when we are older we desire nothing but to be younger. And in my early twenties, I want so much... I want my dream job, I want a non-profit that sells re-stitched vintage clothes. I want to be a successful writer. I want to roadtrip the entire West Coast. I want to read books for a whole week straight. I want to be married. I want to be laughing around a dining room table with too many friends squeezed around it, dreaming up creative ideas and new ways to take community out of the cliche box it has been put into... and on days when life is tiring and seemingly overwhelming, I'm tempted to think I want nothing but retirement.

But those "sit and stare" thoughts linger for a time and then, with an understanding wink and a kind wave, they leave. I am here. In the present. I cannot go back. And I cannot move forward as nimbly as I think I can. I cannot skip over living life. What's the fun in living out dreams if I haven't reached for them? And when I look back on the small part of life I have lived, I ask why I would ever want to fast forward or rewind... even through the difficult chapters.

I used to read the last few pages of every book before starting it.... but, after awhile, I decided knowing the end never made the book any better. I never really understood the weight of that last page anyway...at least until I had the feeling and momentum of the entire book to back it up. I think life is a lot like that. Skipping ahead isn't realistic and, even if it was, it wouldn't be grand or appreciated. To appreciate the here and now, means living fully in the moments it took to get here.

Living in the present isn't so hard when I see life as an adventure worth living. By the grace of God it is an adventure... an everlasting one. And apparently this “blink of an eye” life I'm living is only the beginning. That's what I've come to believe and stake my life on. Here's to living a great adventure.

The Haven.

One of my favorite words in the Bible is the word "Abide". I love that we are called to make our home and resting place in God alone. To take life in, by Abiding in God. We all need life and sustenance. Tonight I went to a place that would be one small piece to "abide" if it were a word that was crafted into a beautiful mosaic.

I've never been to a housewarming party, but it seems like something right up my avenue. I enjoyed going to my first this evening and hope to host one soon... maybe (because my "home" realistically is a dorm) I could call it a "Dwarming Party". ---I've had a ridiculous obsession with combining words lately... I think two words combined has a stronger meaning---- My hosts went above and beyond warming and really made us, their guests, feel as if we were at home. And if there is anything I love, "feeling at home" is one that warms my heart... it's is right up there with chocolate, cheese, crafting, writing, and people watching.

These ladies call their house The Haven, and I love that word almost as much as I love the word "Abide". A safe place. A place without tension. A place without baggage. Or, grace to meet baggage if it is there. A place of service and love. A place to be creative. A place to be free. A place to know one's self and think. A place for honesty.

It's deeply breath-taking that our God, the dearest Friend we could ever encounter, offers such a place to us every day. He is safe. He brings loving discipline. He takes away the suitcases of baggage we tend to carry around with us when we set them down at His feet...or He kindly lets us know that the suitcases of baggage we carry are someone elses. He offers grace from the second we think our first thought to when we are in bed acknowledging that our day was what it was because of His grace. He served us with death for life. his death, for our life. He loved us fiercely and still does every second of every day. He is the author of creativity. He is freedom and offers it to us. He wants us to become more of who He created us to be. He wants to know what we think. He desires for us to sit, be still, and listen. He is honest with us. And we can be honest with Him.

He is my Haven. And how I desire to abide in Him Alone.

I need to read books.....

...because they make me think. Sometimes I surprise myself when I realize I've been living each day in an absent minded fog. I notice my unfortunate ability to turn on some sort of "Stacie Default" that gets me by, but doesn't really make me think or live well. Reading usually takes me out of that funk. It offers newness, and sometimes thats exactly what we need in order to think.. a few pages of newness.

....because I must keep learning. Today someone told me that if we didn't read classic literature we would be reduced to something like mush and mayhem. Some businessman with the last name of Freeman said, we should "live forward, and think backward". Thinking backward, of course, involves gleaning from classics like Crime and Punishment, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, and War and Peace.... those are some of my favorites. I thought to myself... have I really taken time lately to look back to make sure I'm living my full potential forward?

...because it is important to know what my mentor's mentors believed. Most of the people I look up to in this world were and are avid readers... am I looking to the sources they are influenced by? I probablys should be.

...because any perspective is a good one to attemp to understand. Some people refer to a person who reads a wide capacity of books and genres as "well rounded". Don't we all wish we read more.... and probably more or less for that reason, to become all the more well-rounded?

....because to read is to persevere. Something I learned about reading a long time ago is that I must persevere through certain books, poems, or articles. If I have to read slower than I'd like to understand a text or if the beginning of a book seems stale at first, I must persevere.

Read to enjoy.

Read to dream. Or learn how to dream.

Read to esscape, so when you enter back into reality you might be challenged to live more fully.

Read that your conversations may be full and driven.

Read so you may lead well.

Read so you may follow well.

Read to be challeneged.

Read because you are able.

Read, and see the wonder in every page.